Return of the pain

I wonder if I purposely stopped thinking about it all in the last week? It is after all Endometriosis Awareness Month and I did not write much. I started this month fully aware of my endometriosis, complete with pains that were old memories, or so I thought. I haven’t felt these random pains and twitches in almost a year, since the first deep excision surgery last May. Yup, the weird stabbing and shooting pains were back this month with a vengence. They seem to be subsiding now, two weeks into it. It’s difficult to explain these pains. They’re more surprising than painful at first because of where they occur. It feels like daggers in random places. My back, my belly, right side, left side, my rear, my front,my stomach, etc. Sometimes I get twitches too, in my fingers, legs and my left butt cheek. They turn into a dull ache too. It’s so frustrating, no one understands unless, they also have this invisible illness. Anyway, I felt that maybe my pains had gotten so much worse this month because I started writing about it. Maybe remembering all of my surgeries and feelings over the last few years was causing the pain to remain. So, I took a small break to see if it would help, it didn’t. They’re there anyway. Luckily, I am having my 6th Lap on Thursday. It must seem to normal people that I have an affinity for anesthesia, an addiction to surgery and hospitals. I would rather have a normal life and go back to thinking it was all in my head. Yup, I was put on antidepressants a long time ago for a long time and weaned off them when we decided to try to conceive. I would complain about tingling and weird feelings, even had a neurologist test me for everything that could cause these random pains. I had an MRI of my brain and when no tumor was found (I do have a brain), she said perhaps I had fibromyalgia or it was my anxiety coming back. But, this is how it is. This is what I live with every day. It’s just a matter of how it manifests that day. Which brings me back to the theory that I manifested more pain this month because I was thinking about it too much. I am working on the positive affirmations and thoughts daily and they work. Most of the time.


About our last embryo

I have Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I've had Lyme, Bell's Palsy and the Shingles before I was 25. I've done IVF twice, with and without immunosuppression and FET. I am married to my best friend and I am Infertile.
This entry was posted in endometriosis awareness, excision surgery for endometriosis, hope and love, infertility, invisible illness and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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