self help

I have been working on bettering myself throughout this ordeal.  I have met a wonderful group of new friends through my search for alternative methods of pain relief.  They have taught me to take care of me first.  I am working on it.   Some days are better than others.  I get aggitated very easily.  Like today, no idea what set me off, but I am in a funk.

I have always been the one to go out of my way for friends, a few even lived with me and my parents.  One in grade school and one in high school.  A lot of my friends slept over at my house almost every weekend.  I never judged their situations and I only had to kick one out of my house.  My house was a cool house to go to I guess.  My mom should’ve had a bunch of kids, she loves taking care of everyone too…I wonder where I get it from.

So when all of my troubles started, very few of my “friends” stuck around.  I can count on one hand how many people regularly called (OK, that doesn’t happen much anymore) or texted me, even Facebooked me. I guess its a part of growing older anyway.   It is a little difficult to have much in common with friends when all they talk about is their kids.  I totally understand it and I am happy for them.  However, it hurts like hell sometimes.   I know if and/or when I become a mom, I will do exactly the same thing.  They’re proud of their kids, they created them! They are lucky!

I have sensitivities and allergies to food and medications.  I have one reaction from most pain meds – sleeping.  Which doesn’t work for me, since I have a job.  I work 30 hours a week, part time.  I love my job, yes, it’s customer service related.  I have to help people, it’s what I do.  So I went to acupuncture again.  I had gone when we were first trying to conceive naturally. So, I went for pain relief, anxiety and for fertility.  I did get an hour of relaxation weekly (as long as I didn’t have to lay on my stomach too long).

I was told I should do Reiki, not just have it done, but become a practitioner.   I did.  I went to have Reiki done one day and went to my parents house afterward.  My mom thought I took something,  I was that relaxed and pain free, for the whole day or maybe even a few days.  I took my practitioners course later that month from that Reiki master and with another person, who happened to live in the same town as me.  Through Reiki, I am learning how to love myself so that I can help others.

Writing was recommended to me recently,  I can’t believe the relief that I have been feeling just getting this all out.   I had gone to a psychologist for 2 years.  She recommended journaling 5 things I was grateful for everyday, but writing a blog or anything of the sort never occurred to me.  One day she showed me a book, “Heal Your Body”, by Louise Hay, which showed reasons for illnesses and little saying to rid you of these illnesses.  I saw it again when I went for Reiki.   I bought that book and “You Can Heal Your Life” too.  Intense reading and I will read it again soon.  I may even buy the workbook that goes with it.  It is mind over matter.

I went to the chiropractor, when the pain was not only in my back anymore, but down my leg.  I had gotten sciatica from the laparotomy and it would come and go.  But after the IVF, it came one day and didn’t leave.  I had constant pain down my leg and in my butt cheek for at least 10 days before I got to a chiropractor.   Advil didn’t do a thing.   The first visit and I was already less painful, by the second treatment, I had no pain in my leg, by the third, it was completely gone and we started addressing the other issues (infertility, back pain, neck pain, stress, etc).  I went 3 times a week for a while, then once a week, until my first excision surgery.

My psychologist also recommended music.  I have always been in love with music.   For the last year, I have been listening mostly to Jason Mraz. I’ve even seen him perform twice in the last year, 3 times total!  He is better live than on CD (or, now iPod).  His most recent album is called LOVE is a Four Letter Word and it felt like he wrote some of the songs for me.  Well, we can all dream anyway. I posted one of them already. It really has gotten me through some really rough days.   I highly recommend anything by this artist.  My Guru.

So through, the music, Reiki and self talk, I am learning to appreciate every little thing, no matter how small.  It is a long process when you have never done that before.  Well, at least not a lot.  I had been a very negative or cynical person. I am  a constant work in progress.

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About our last embryo

I have Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I've had Lyme, Bell's Palsy and the Shingles before I was 25. I've done IVF twice, with and without immunosuppression and FET. I am married to my best friend and I am Infertile.
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