I have been working on bettering myself throughout this ordeal. I have met a wonderful group of new friends through my search for alternative methods of pain relief. They have taught me to take care of me first. I am working on it. Some days are better than others. I get aggitated very easily. Like today, no idea what set me off, but I am in a funk.
I have always been the one to go out of my way for friends, a few even lived with me and my parents. One in grade school and one in high school. A lot of my friends slept over at my house almost every weekend. I never judged their situations and I only had to kick one out of my house. My house was a cool house to go to I guess. My mom should’ve had a bunch of kids, she loves taking care of everyone too…I wonder where I get it from.
So when all of my troubles started, very few of my “friends” stuck around. I can count on one hand how many people regularly called (OK, that doesn’t happen much anymore) or texted me, even Facebooked me. I guess its a part of growing older anyway. It is a little difficult to have much in common with friends when all they talk about is their kids. I totally understand it and I am happy for them. However, it hurts like hell sometimes. I know if and/or when I become a mom, I will do exactly the same thing. They’re proud of their kids, they created them! They are lucky!
I have sensitivities and allergies to food and medications. I have one reaction from most pain meds – sleeping. Which doesn’t work for me, since I have a job. I work 30 hours a week, part time. I love my job, yes, it’s customer service related. I have to help people, it’s what I do. So I went to acupuncture again. I had gone when we were first trying to conceive naturally. So, I went for pain relief, anxiety and for fertility. I did get an hour of relaxation weekly (as long as I didn’t have to lay on my stomach too long).
I was told I should do Reiki, not just have it done, but become a practitioner. I did. I went to have Reiki done one day and went to my parents house afterward. My mom thought I took something, I was that relaxed and pain free, for the whole day or maybe even a few days. I took my practitioners course later that month from that Reiki master and with another person, who happened to live in the same town as me. Through Reiki, I am learning how to love myself so that I can help others.
Writing was recommended to me recently, I can’t believe the relief that I have been feeling just getting this all out. I had gone to a psychologist for 2 years. She recommended journaling 5 things I was grateful for everyday, but writing a blog or anything of the sort never occurred to me. One day she showed me a book, “Heal Your Body”, by Louise Hay, which showed reasons for illnesses and little saying to rid you of these illnesses. I saw it again when I went for Reiki. I bought that book and “You Can Heal Your Life” too. Intense reading and I will read it again soon. I may even buy the workbook that goes with it. It is mind over matter.
I went to the chiropractor, when the pain was not only in my back anymore, but down my leg. I had gotten sciatica from the laparotomy and it would come and go. But after the IVF, it came one day and didn’t leave. I had constant pain down my leg and in my butt cheek for at least 10 days before I got to a chiropractor. Advil didn’t do a thing. The first visit and I was already less painful, by the second treatment, I had no pain in my leg, by the third, it was completely gone and we started addressing the other issues (infertility, back pain, neck pain, stress, etc). I went 3 times a week for a while, then once a week, until my first excision surgery.
My psychologist also recommended music. I have always been in love with music. For the last year, I have been listening mostly to Jason Mraz. I’ve even seen him perform twice in the last year, 3 times total! He is better live than on CD (or, now iPod). His most recent album is called LOVE is a Four Letter Word and it felt like he wrote some of the songs for me. Well, we can all dream anyway. I posted one of them already. It really has gotten me through some really rough days. I highly recommend anything by this artist. My Guru.
So through, the music, Reiki and self talk, I am learning to appreciate every little thing, no matter how small. It is a long process when you have never done that before. Well, at least not a lot. I had been a very negative or cynical person. I am a constant work in progress.