Anxiety attack

Today, I had a panic attack. These have been plaguing me since I was a teenager. I was on antidepressants for many years and I still had panic attacks. Anxiety/ panic attacks are horrible. I now know how to deal with them better, but they come upon you when you least expect it. Ive been off antidepressants for 3 years now and i still have them when I am stressed or upset.
This morning at work, it happened. I felt the tingling on my scalp, the hot flush, then my heart pounding and my pulse increased. My skin was hot to the touch and I wanted to splash cold water on my face (but that may ruiner at little make up I have on). So I paced a little, turned on my comfort music and placed my hand on my chest and gave myself a little reiki love and concentrated on something positive and slowed down my breathing. I told myself it will pass quickly and it did. I also turned the heat off. I thought it had passed, but I know when my attacks actually pass, I get really cold, almost to shivering. I turned the heat back up and put on a sweater and decided to blog about it.
I used to get a lot of attacks while I was driving home from college. I only went an hour away. I would be singing along with the radio and boom! Hot flash, heart racing, and I would freak out. (This was before cell phones were handy. I had a giant phone in a duffle bag for emergencies. But I only used it once when the car actually did break down). It would be the middle of winter and I would roll my window down while driving on the highway. And the attacks would last until I got to my parents house. Then, since mom had these too, she would calm me down.
My poor husband has witnessed more than a few. He doesn’t see the difference between a panic attack and a meltdown, he always says the same thing, go back on the drugs. I know he means well, but it’s like a slap in the face. I wish I could take the antidepressants. Heck, I wish I could’ve taken the heavy duty pain killers too.
Two years ago, when my health really went downhill, I wanted the drugs. My doctor prescribed the same antidepressant and sedative that I had used. But when I took the antidepressant, I felt really nauseous and dizzy. Then the next day, I started vomiting and couldn’t stop. (This was the second time I was told I had diverticulitis when I didn’t). Then I figured I would try a quarter of the sedative, on a day when my husband was home with me and we didn’t have anywhere to go. I used to take that pill, I’d take a half of a pill and it made me very happy. The quarter pill seemed to do its job at first, I fell asleep on the couch and a few minutes later, I was gasping for air. This happened on two separate occasions. I gave up on those pills too.
I discovered self talk, music (recommended by my therapist) and reiki were my aids. I needed to help myself. I now can call my mom when I’m driving with the hands free and she can distract me. But I’m doing better now. I always figure out what triggers it, after the fact. This helps to make it go away too.
This morning it was thinking about the meds I have to take with either the FET or IVF cycle we are going to do. Anytime there are new drugs involved I get nervous. I really hate them. And I was also thinking, what if this surgery has somehow shut my system down and I don’t get my AF again? Its almost a month since surgery, I feel great, but there are no signs of it coming. What about my job? They’re not too crazy about schedule changes and if this doesn’t work, I need my job. I love my job! Yup, full on panic attack.

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About our last embryo

I have Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I've had Lyme, Bell's Palsy and the Shingles before I was 25. I've done IVF twice, with and without immunosuppression and FET. I am married to my best friend and I am Infertile.
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