NIAW

It’s National Infertility Awareness Week.
Most of us are, of course, fully aware of our infertility everyday. I know I am. I have moments when I am too busy at work to think about it, but when I have a minute, there it is.
Lately, I’ve also been thinking about all the other couples struggling as I am. Some are just starting out, a few have had success and then there’s us, what will happen? Will we be one of the lucky ones next month? Will we have to live without children? Will we actually be able to come back after all of this and be able to discuss adoption? Who knows!
So, in honor of infertility awareness week, I’ve joined in Twitter chats, I’ve posted about it on Facebook, and I am not keeping it a secret. I will tell anyone who wants to listen about our struggles. Infertility is hard enough without having endometriosis, losing both Fallopian tubes and being almost 40! Honestly, I don’t want to hear another person say that miracles happen. At this point, I need the doctor and the lab to place an embryo in my uterus and only then, after lots of drugs and praying, can we hope for a real miracle.
I spent yesterday afternoon with an old girlfriend and her husband. We did a lot of reminiscing about the good old days when we were teenagers, when we had so many dreams. When we were so innocent. Then we discussed her miscarriage, my failed pregnancies and getting to take care of ourselves. She actually said she felt guilty for thinking about herself and taking so long to heal. That’s how we are. We always put other people first. I understood exactly what she was saying. I never felt comfortable putting myself first, but I’ve learned that I have to if I want to get past the hurt and the physical pain. We have to love ourselves, so we can love and care for others. No one can tell you how long to take to get over something so sad and emotional. Everyone is different in how they deal with it. The two of us felt as if our hearts were breaking and no one understood, not even our own husbands. They were over it and ready to move on quickly. You can’t compare yourself with others. I know three healthy, beautiful women, who each had miscarriages last fall/winter. What are the odds of that? I don’t know how they feel or felt. I know I had numerous “chemical pregnancies,” two confirmed with blood tests at a lab. I know how devastated I was after each one. The overwhelming joy of finding out our IVF and our FET worked only to have that hope and joy ripped away in a few days. Maybe that was better than an actual miscarriage? I don’t know. I think of all of the stories I’ve heard from my new found friends, miscarrying later in the pregnancy, premature births, adoption stories, living childless, it’s all I think about.
For all of my new friends fighting infertility, you are not alone, we are all here for each other and I am grateful for each and every one of you! Thank you.

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About our last embryo

I have Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I've had Lyme, Bell's Palsy and the Shingles before I was 25. I've done IVF twice, with and without immunosuppression and FET. I am married to my best friend and I am Infertile.
This entry was posted in devastated, hope and love, infertility, invisible illness, reproductive immunology and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to NIAW

  1. cindysn says:

    I am so happy we are not alone in the fight against infertility but sad that a lot of women suffer in silence

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