Hurts like hell

Ok, I’ll say it! It hurts like hell to see the pictures of your big belly! It hurts like hell to see the posts of the awesome beta numbers doubling or tripling. It hurts like hell to read about your stretch marks and nausea. It hurts like hell to hear about sore breasts and backs. The only time mine will bother me is when AF is on her way or I get punched in the chest, which virtually happens when I see those posts.
But, at the same time, I truly am happy for you all. You’re mommies or will be mommies soon. What a wonderful feeling that must be. I only know how it was to be temporarily pregnant if only for a few days. I’m just venting here because its usually safe to do so. I know most of you have travelled a very long road to get to the pregnant stage. Most of which is way longer than we have. I envy you. Just a bit. But at the same time,it must be scary as well. Wow.
I am in awe of you. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I don’t know what to say sometimes because I am in tears. It’s so soon after realizing that it will never happen for us. I’m in pain and it can be all consuming some days. My head hurts, my heart hurts and most days my gut hurts, knowing that I must have known deep down that this wouldn’t work.
I pray for a smooth pregnancy and a happy healthy baby or babies for you all.

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About our last embryo

I have Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I've had Lyme, Bell's Palsy and the Shingles before I was 25. I've done IVF twice, with and without immunosuppression and FET. I am married to my best friend and I am Infertile.
This entry was posted in adenomyosis, devastated, Endometriosis, endometriosis awareness, excision surgery for endometriosis, food allergy, hope and love, infertility, infertility in the workplace, invisible illness, IVF In Vitro Fertilization, reproductive immunology and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Hurts like hell

  1. newtoivf says:

    Its so hard xxx I’ve unfollowed a few preggos on twitter cos I just can’t take it at the mo

  2. cindysn says:

    I stopped following certain blogs for the same reason.

  3. Lauren says:

    Joining in the sad chorus — thank you for putting this into words!

  4. ksirahsirah says:

    I understand. Sometimes my whole day can be ruined with one unexpected announcement or bump..It’s OK.

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