Two years later

Two years ago we got the call from the Reproductive Endocrinologist that the IVF had worked and we were pregnant. We were so happy. We called our parents and family. Then we started making plans. I don’t remember another time that I was so happy. Nothing else compares with that news.
I was pregnant. I had terrible nausea from the egg retrieval, through the transfer on the first, until a few days later.
My beta was only 51. So we had to be cautiously optimistic.
We were ready to go buy a dishwasher, because bottles had to be sterilized and we didn’t have a dishwasher (we still do not have a dishwasher). The plan was to return in two days for beta number two.
Beta is the blood test that measures HCG in the blood. The amount of HCG should double. Mine didn’t.
On Tuesday, I had lots of digestive issues, lots of gas and the nausea was lessening. I had heartburn that was awful. I didn’t want to jinx it by saying anything. But I think I knew what was happening.
The next morning, we went to the RE’s office and I got my blood taken. They said they’d call after noon.
The doctor called. It’s never good when the doctor calls. My beta had dropped to 25! Half, not double. It was over.
He said the embryo probably had chromosomal abnormalities and it happens
I know this is considered a chemical pregnancy and it is not the same as a miscarriage. I never heard a heartbeat or saw a sac on ultrasound. But that baby was real to me.
I was devastated. I cried for days. Weeks.
I started my new job the following week.
I’ve now been at that job for almost two years. I love my job and they’ve been great with all of my health issues and IVF and FET. And the failures. I’m grateful for the job and the benefits. Two years later and I’m feeling ok. A little sad, but I’m ok. By ok, I mean I’m not crying. I got choked up about it, sad when I saw a young family at the restaurant tonight. But we made our decision. For now. It probably will never change but we left that discussion open for another day. I don’t know if that day will ever come, nor does it matter. I’m enjoying our family of two.

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About our last embryo

I have Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I've had Lyme, Bell's Palsy and the Shingles before I was 25. I've done IVF twice, with and without immunosuppression and FET. I am married to my best friend and I am Infertile.
This entry was posted in adenomyosis, anxiety, devastated, egg retrieval, Embryo transfer, embryos, Endometriosis, endometriosis awareness, endometriosis diet, excision surgery for endometriosis, Hashimotos thyroiditis, hope and love, hydrosalpinx, infertility, invisible illness, IVF In Vitro Fertilization, laparoscopy and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Two years later

  1. Lisette says:

    Oh hun, they always matter. Whether 1 day along or 40 weeks along. It’s the future right there on a pee stick. My heart goes out to you. You’re bound to have ups and downs but you are so strong. I’m glad to see you are doing what feels right for you both at the time. If that changes then so be it. Take it in stride. Thinking of you xx

  2. jen says:

    hi, i’m from the Philippines.. I’m really worried about my situation right now coz I found out that one of my fallopian tube is blocked due to hydrosalpinx 😦 I’m looking for natural remedies right now like the herbal remedies but I need to order it in U.S which costs a lot.. 😦

    • There’s no natural remedy for hydrosalpinx. Once the tube is stretched like that it’s pretty useless and dangerous. If you were to become pregnant, it could be ectopic and you lose the baby and the tube. Sorry

  3. I couldn’t agree more with Lisette. I’ve had miscarriages with and without seeing a heartbeat and it was real each time. As soon as I saw that double pink line I started dreaming and planning the future. You are a mom in that instant. Thinking about you.

  4. redbluebird says:

    My miscarriages were early too, before seeing a heartbeat, but they were very real and very heartbreaking regardless. I’m sorry for your loss. And I’m sorry all of this didn’t turn out the way you imagined. I hope wherever this road ends up for you, it’s in a very happy place!

  5. rachelmeeks says:

    I know exactly what you mean, as of today. It’s terrible.

  6. Kmcghe says:

    How do you keep going have had four transfers no luck yet Whalen is it time to let go my husband wants a baby more than anything what to do

    • When you start asking yourself when it’s time to let go, it’s time to look within and discuss it with your husband. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. It sucks. Plain and simple.

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