Is my body doing this on purpose?

I still wonder what it would be like to be pregnant at this time of year. How amazing it must be to get ready for the holidays, knowing that next year, your little baby will experience the wonders of Christmas and Hanukkah. That you’ll be buying little dolls or toys, picking out their holiday outfits, see the wonder in their eyes when they go to the mall and see Santa!
I’m hoping that this is the last time I think about it, but I’m only human.
I opened my reader today and saw not one, not two, but three pictures of pregnant bloggers and their growing bellies. I can’t say that at this moment I’m happy for them, even though I am. I’m bitter and mad and upset, and I know it won’t help me to feel these things, but I do. To top it off, I had a dream last night that I had a hysterectomy. Was it a premonition?
I’m always wondering if that’s why my body has responded like this. Am I sick because I keep looking back in anger and sadness?

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About our last embryo

I have Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I've had Lyme, Bell's Palsy and the Shingles before I was 25. I've done IVF twice, with and without immunosuppression and FET. I am married to my best friend and I am Infertile.
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7 Responses to Is my body doing this on purpose?

  1. Serenstar says:

    I want to like this post out of support, but I don’t like how sad the feelings are when dealing with this and I know those feelings. You have my support.

  2. addercatter says:

    I know there are no words any of us can possibly find to make this any easier… so I’m just sending positive energy your way. Hugs, Kat

  3. rachelmeeks says:

    This post made me tear up. 😦

    I wanted to tell you I nominated you for the Dragon’s Loyalty award, as a thank you for being such a loyal reader and commenter http://doilooksick.com/2013/12/05/dragon-loyalty-award

    Hugs!

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