Farewell my beautiful boy

I remember it like it was yesterday. It was nine and a half years ago, I was working for a veterinarian. I had just gotten my first standard poodle who was a few months old at the time. The girls told me there were two poodles coming in next. I waited by the door with excitement.
I opened the door for you and your sister. You were both beautifully groomed. Your sister was just stunning. You had a beard. You both came in wagging your tails and then it happened. You pawed at me and as I leaned down to say hi, you nibbled my chin and kissed it. Your owner was shocked and she exclaimed that you never kiss anyone! That was the first of many.
I became your pet sitter and remember your house on the beach. I remember how you always had to greet me or anyone else with something in your mouth, a sock, a pillow, underwear, a glasses case, etc. I would take you to my house to play with my puppy. You all got along so well back then.
Then it happened one day. You and your sister were given to me to find you another home. But in my soul, I knew you were already mine.
When I started my own doggie daycare and had dogs come over for the first time, you were my test dog, the greeter. You’d come outside and want to play with all of them. You’d chomp on your teeth, let out a groan, now and run for the other dog to chase you. Once the chase was on, I could hear you chomping your teeth for pure joy!
You love drinking water out of anything outside, not the safest thing in the world. You’d steal the ball during a game of catch between everyone and then you’d lay down in the bushes with it. Game over.
You were the biggest heart I’ve ever known. I’ve met a lot of dogs, I pet sat a lot of dogs, I worked in a shelter and at the vets office, in a grooming salon and I’ve cared for so many dogs. But you were the kindest, gentlest, sweetest, most sensitive, fun loving, goofy, curious, playful, caring soul, I have ever met or had the privilege to know. I am so grateful for your love.
It broke my heart to move out of the house where we lived together. But every time I visited, you greeted me with a pillow or a toy and then rested your head in my lap on the couch.
Last year when you bloated four days after your 12th birthday and my 5th surgery. I was so scared I’d lose you. I was in the city for my post op check while you were having life saving surgery. You slept on a big dog bed beside my recovery bed and we recovered together from our surgeries. It was you who made me get moving again so soon after my surgery. I didn’t feel my pain, I was only concerned with yours.
Nine days later, you had your toe amputated because of a nail bed infection that turned into a tumor. Then you got a bedsore on that leg that just wouldn’t heal. Finally last Christmas after changing bandaging every other day, it was healed.
But you were never quite right after that bloat surgery. You never ate well on your own. We spoiled you by hand feeding you. Your IBS became worse again after the bloat surgery (emergency gastropexy).
Then you went into heart failure in July. It progressed quickly. You wound up on diuretics so much faster than the other dogs I knew with heart failure. I knew then that it wouldn’t be long. Your weight had gone from 60 lbs to 46lbs. We were force feeding you. I don’t think we would’ve done that with any other dog. But you were you, without any interest in food at all. In the end, you hated the 24 pills a day and food being shoved down your throat. You just wanted to be left alone and lay outside. I knew. So I had to have a conversation with you that no one else heard. That’s when I told you we needed a sign. Not the obvious signs I saw but a real make a decision now sign.
A few days later, you bloated again. Even with your stomach tacked, it happened.
I left work and we headed right to your side. I gave you reiki to help with your transition to the rainbow bridge.
The vet came to the house and we said our goodbyes. You were surrounded by us all as you fell asleep so peacefully.
I made a paw print of your three toed paw and your front paw. My god, you had the softest pads! I cut some hair to remember you by and let the others in to say goodbye.
Your twin sister said goodbye earlier in the day and wouldn’t go to you once you were gone, my girl stole the toys I had given you and my boy, who idolized you sniffed you and sat by your side for a while. He is still sad.
Rest in peace my beautiful boy. Thank you for your love and kindness. There will never be another you. Odin, ruler of my heart. Run and play. Til we meet again. 9/27/2000-12/17/2013

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About our last embryo

I have Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I've had Lyme, Bell's Palsy and the Shingles before I was 25. I've done IVF twice, with and without immunosuppression and FET. I am married to my best friend and I am Infertile.
This entry was posted in acupuncture, anxiety, devastated, dogs, Endometriosis, IBS, invisible illness, laparoscopy, reiki and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Farewell my beautiful boy

  1. Dipitie says:

    I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. (((Hugs)))

  2. So beautifully written.. As a dog lover myself my heart just breaks for you. I’m so so sorry 😦 Hugs. Lots of then.

  3. I’m so so sorry :(. You have me in tears, I know this pain.

  4. jonsie13 says:

    So sorry for this tremendous loss!

  5. gsmwc02 says:

    I am so sorry to read of your loss. My condolences.

  6. katherinea12 says:

    I am so, so sorry. Thinking of you.

  7. So terribly sad! 😦 That day eventually comes for all us dog owners. Its always so heartbreaking. We can never be quite the same after being loved so unconditionally.

  8. ksirahsirah says:

    Pretty much balling my eyes out. Such a precious memoir of your dog- and what a happy face! May your heart heal in its own time. Hugs

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