Rambling today

I had quit smoking. We did everything right with the shots and it still happened.
Yeah, it still bothers me. Infertility doesn’t go away. I have learned how to deal with it better over the years and tears.
The short time that I was pregnant, I could smell everything. I was so incredibly nauseous, I lived on saltines (which made me more sick, because I didn’t know I was allergic to wheat).
The hormones wreaked havoc on my insides! I couldn’t walk straight or even upright. I was hunched over like an old lady you see in movies. I was practically dragging my legs. I walked slowly and every step hurt. From the front to the back of my abdomen. My upper and mid back and my neck, all hurt.
So, there I was, not pregnant, in excruciating pain and I could smell everything. Lucky for me, I got a part time job. That first week was very difficult. I tried to act like I was fine. I was bleeding so badly and the pain was radiating down my legs, I was so nauseous from the pain, but I pulled through. I honestly have my job to thank. Had I been home, I would’ve lost my mind.
I knew I couldn’t take any pain killers (I’m allergic to most) and I started to seek out alternatives while awaiting excision surgery.
I went to acupuncture and a chiropractor and I practiced self reiki. That got me through til surgery. I’ll never forget, waking up from surgery and noticing immediately that my neck, leg and back pain were gone! Gone.
Then it came back, months later. It wasn’t nearly as bad as before though. I started following a lot of endometriosis groups and women worse off than I was. I am so glad to know that we aren’t alone and we aren’t crazy.
There are so many others that are far worse than I was. There are so many girls on pain meds that scare the crap out of me! I mean when they’re talking about taking morphine and other meds, it makes me sad and nervous for them.
To tell you the truth, it almost seemed like some enjoyed the attention they got from being in pain all of the time, me included.
I frequently had pity parties. I loved my pity party of one! I would get upset if the people around me would not ask me how I was feeling. It really pissed me off and made me very depressed. And then I’d go crazy! Or at least I sounded like I was insane. At times, my husband had asked me to go back on antidepressants.
I’m not exactly sure when things changed.
It may have been just this year. In fact it was this year, recently, when I realized that this all happened for a reason. Once I figured it out, I could start letting go. Releasing the anger that I’ve held into for years. This has helped the pain too. That, and surgery, diet change, crystals, reiki, acupuncture and Tibetan bowls. My spiritual journey. I love when it hits me out of the blue, while I’m at work or driving. I just smile or giggle to myself.
I’ve seen and realized my karma! I’ve seen others get theirs too. I did get a bit of pleasure watching someone get theirs from being rude to me. It was subtle and done right in front if me. It was difficult not to laugh out loud for joy. Then, I wondered if I should be laughing, would that be bad karma? So I said thank you and moved on!

About our last embryo

I have been diagnosed with Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I've had Lyme, Bell's Palsy and the Shingles before I was 25. I've done IVF, with and without immunosuppression and FET. I have had two miscarriages. I am married to my best friend and I am Infertile. Through these struggles, I had to unlearn and relearn many things, through spirituality and alternative healing modalities, I have begun the process of becoming who I am supposed to be. A healer.
This entry was posted in acupuncture, adenomyosis, Crystals, Embryo transfer, embryos, Endometriosis, endometriosis awareness, endometriosis diet, excision surgery for endometriosis, food allergy, Hashimotos thyroiditis, hope and love, infertility, infertility in the workplace, invisible illness, IVF In Vitro Fertilization, laparoscopy, meditation, positive thinking, reiki, Tibetan bowls and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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