National Infertility Awareness Week was last week. I don’t really see it as a week of awareness. I’m aware of it daily.
My coworker’s family member just had a baby. There was a “countdown” and then she was born. I congratulated her and her family and told her I was happy for them all, however, since she’s a coworker, I don’t want to talk about babies. I did mention it was NIAW and it was a touchy subject for me (plus I got AF too, thanks universe)!!! The next day she tells me the baby’s full name! The following afternoon, she asks me if I want to see pictures! It was a huge challenge for me not to scream or smack her!
I told my husband the other night that I felt weird that I’m not blogging lately. I know I didn’t blog much during endometriosis awareness month in March. I didn’t go to EndoMarch 2015 and I’m hardly talking about my infertility.
The truth is, sometimes I don’t think about it. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks and I can’t move. I’m frozen.
It’ll hit me at work. That’s hard. I can’t cry! When I cry, my nose turns red, as do my eyelids. Then my eyes puff out. It’s ugly!!!
It’ll hit me twice a month. Once, when I ovulate and then when AF pays a visit. I still have the occasional person tell me “miracles happen.” I now fight the urge to respond, “not without tubes!”
All in all, I feel like, well at least at this moment, I’m okay with not being a mom. I’m a mom to my dogs and that’s fine with me. Being motherly can take many forms. That’s another topic for another day. It’s all part of the journey.