This is the time of year most of us infertiles dread. Mother’s Day and communions and confirmations. The gatherings of a crowd of fertile people you may or may not be related to.
Think about this; In most crowds, you have some who only brag and boast about how great they, their kids, their home, etc., are. There are also people who can’t help but complain about everything, it’s their “thing,” others who sit quietly and watch, and kids are running around. And without fail, mothers who, excuse me but, bitch and moan about their kids. Bitch and moan. It’s usually an actual cluster of moms, bitching and moaning. Most of the time, they’re too self absorbed in their bitch-a-thon to notice who they’re bitching to. Me, an infertile, who has lost, not one but two pregnancies!
I am pretty proud of myself and how I was able to sit in a roomful of mothers on Mother’s Day weekend, with a ton of children, without getting overwhelmed with emotion and sadness. I’m pretty sure it’s because of the healing and spiritual journey I’ve been on. I even had a brief moment of joy watching the kids all play together. Then it happened, she said blah blah blah, “I can’t wait to go to work in the morning, so I can getaway from my kid!” I was right there. I turned and walked away.
Here’s where I would’ve begun to bitch and moan for probably the rest of the night, I may have ended it with tears or been angry for days. Who does that help?
The thing I realized was that, even though it did stay with me for about an hour afterwards, I wasn’t as angry as I would’ve been last year. In fact, I have been avoiding most situations where I would be near a lot of moms and kids. Last year, I would’ve made a comment to her about how lucky she is to have been able to have a child and how I couldn’t carry mine or how I have no tubes. I thought it, but I let it go. It’s not me, I’m not going to take her ignorance personally. We’re only human.
So, while I’d love to say, “hey people, let’s be mindful of all of the infertiles out there, you never know who is childless by choice or by no other choice,” I know this is how our society is raised and I am only responsible for myself and my actions. We cannot control others and we have no right to. Yes, there’s always an urge to, put them in their place, so to speak, but really, it only makes us feel better for a minute and sometimes they don’t even hear you anyway.
Big realization and learning day for me today! Namaste! Sat nam!
I’d like to wish those fortunate ladies a Happy Mother’s Day!