Fast forward?

OMG, I have no idea where to begin. There’s been a whole lot that’s happened in this lady’s life in the last 3-4 years! Where to start? Or recap? Do I get it all in here?

I left my marriage in 2016, got divorced in 2017. I left one job for a similar job in another town and moved in with my parents for 8 months ( not recommended to stay for that long) and then into a tiny apartment and finally, I bought my own place!
And I did online dating! Ugh! I could totally write a separate blog about some of those experiences;) I made some new friends and rekindled some old friendships and went down my own rabbit hole and came out not too bad on this side! Then I left that abusive job for an extremely tough yet awarding one that ended too soon.

I met my new husband in February 2018, at a sound meditation. My friend mentioned he was interested, but I was already dating loser number whatever and said I wasn’t interested. Even though I was totally checking out his forearm tattoo before the meditation began. Besides he was “not my type.”

2018 sucked for many reasons but it also changed my life in many ways for the good. My dog Mick passed away after being sick only 3 days on January 25th, he was 10 & 1/2. My dad started getting sick shortly after that. My heart dog Quinnie passed away 11 days after her 12th birthday in May of 2018. My dad was diagnosed (finally) with Pancreatic Cancer in September. Among other small things, it was a shitty year, with the exception of meeting my husband and buying my co op and becoming a caregiver(which that could go in both the shitty and the good categories).

Fast forward to November 2018, a mutual friend’s Halloween party, (same friend who brought him to the meditation). I wasn’t going to go because dad was in the hospital after his first stroke, but he told me to go and have fun. That’s what I tried to do. My husband came up to me in a gangster suit! We talked for a bit. Well, he talked, tee hee. He took a cool picture of me and then we had a picture taken and it’s hanging up in our bedroom and in the living room. We became friends on social media later that month. But as I said, dad was sick so I really wasn’t too flirty (not that I am anyway, I feel like I never got that gene). Then I think I asked his friend, our friend, what his deal was, after attempting dating again and sick of the same type of guy. Next thing I know, he sent me a message. We started talking and met up for brunch one day and never looked back. OK, I did freak a few times. Not for someone or anyone else but because when I get scared of my feelings, I want to run, I didn’t. I may have gotten a little jaded or paranoid after doing the online dating thing…actually from most of the men I have had relationships with as well Oh well! That’s a different blog. I have had to grow up this time and work every bump out and we do. After we both deal with ourselves (no one is free of issues), we get closer and have a better understanding of the other person. My new hubby was very good about me being my dad’s caregiver while he was sick. My dad passed in January 2020. My husband got the police escort and bagpiper for dad’s service. I know dad would have loved it, we did.

Throughout the years, I still couldn’t get pregnant (and I didn’t want to anymore). I still felt pretty good after my excision surgery in December 2013 and thank the universe for all my healers in alternative medicine! Quick recap: I became a reiki practitioner to help myself in 2011, became a reiki master teacher in 2016. I started going to acupuncture regularly ( I still do for many things), I met my friend, mentor and amazing sound healer in March of 2014, or was it 2013? Probably 2014 after my last surgery for the endometriosis and began my love for and healing with Tibetan bowls and sound (Gong, crystal bowls, chanting, Music in general). I became certified as a Sound therapist in 2014 and 2015 and am re-certifying with a different teacher now. After a while, I didn’t have too much pain, then it gradually worsened with the stressors I put in my life, people, jobs, lifestyle, etc. This got much worse after dad’s passing. So now, almost 5 months later, I find myself in this similar place. I need surgery. I believe the endometriosis is under control, but the uterus (which I told that last guy to take out at my last surgery) is getting evicted!!! I have “at least 3 fibroids” in there and another endometrioma… anyway. The new gynecologist, who i was referred to by a wife of my husbands coworker (he told them about my endo at a BBQ- not too discreet, lol) and I love him! This doctor is DIFFERENT!

OK, you endowarriors will get this. You guys know what I have been through (if you’ve followed along or had time to read all of my blog). I go to this new OBGYN, knowing all of my other experiences have left me tremendously disappointed, with no expectations. We had a chat for a while. I had just had a recent pap done at that other place I went to just for routine exams and an occasional ultrasound, which I just humored myself with and never needed a report because I knew what I was seeing before they did. Even told the tech where to look for for my missing left ovary, behind my bladder, LOL. But this doctor was different. They made me fill out tons of paperwork ad he actually looked at it! After reading my family history, he demanded I do the genetic testing for my predisposition to cancer (20% thank goodness, that’s the low end). He told me that he sees many endometriosis patients, in fact they used his office as part of the Orlissa study and that it seems to be a good drug for endo. And then he looked me in the eye and said (I’m paraphrasing) “but I’m not going to recommend this for you. You have had extensive surgeries and probably have tons of scar tissue. My recommendation for you, when you’re ready, is a hysterectomy, leaving the ovaries in. I do have to cut you open in order to feel comfortable doing your surgery.” How’s that for honesty? Seriously! He asked about my pain level and at that point, I was waking up in the middle of the night to take more ibuprofen, when I have my period. So, he prescribed me 600mg motrin so I wouldn’t have to wake up or take as many pills. Ironically, my pain was not that bad after that, go figure. Instead, after my dad passed, the bleeding got far worse. So I went back in last month for my pap and annual exam and told him about the changes and that I am read for Uterus Eviction! But does he have to cut me open? He looked at me sincerely and said “I don’t feel comfortable doing your surgery laparoscopically becasue of your scar tissue, but I have a colleague who is an expert at robotic surgery and I will gladly refer you to him. Then you’ll have a quicker recovery time. I won’t be upset, I want what’s best for YOU. (omg!) But first, we need an, ultrasound and biopsy called a hysteroscopy.” HYSTEROSCOPY? What’s that? It’s when they fill your uterus with water and stick a camera up there and look around and then grab a biopsy. They usually sedate you and do it in the hospital. But you guys know me right? I have a high pain tolerance, let’s not waste sedation…not anymore!

Fast forward to the Ultrasound last Monday. I watched, the tech wasn’t allowed to tell me anything but she did nod when I told her what she was measuring. Oh, another fibroid? (she said I already measured 3) and then, oh, there’s my right ovary. She asked me how I knew. It’s the one with that good ole endometrioma attached to it. That is how you find it… I think she was in shock and then I asked her if she found my elusive left ovary? She did not. Still no idea where it is either. She gave up I guess. I think she said something like, well, nothing’s attached to it so that’s good…OK? Yeah! So I went and asked to see the doc to discuss. I mean why do a biopsy if I’m going to take it out right? He had a good answer that never even occurred to me. What if there are precancerous cells? Then you have to have another surgery to take out you omentum and I would be terribly upset! Needless to say, I had my almost hysteroscopy, turned plain old endometrial biopsy on Thursday and yowsers that was painful! He asked if I needed him to abort the mission, I said yes. He was ok with it and said it should be back before my appointment with the specialist. Oh yeah, he called and got me an appointment for this coming Wednesday with a very busy, head of the hospital, gynecological oncologist and faxed everything to his office already! I’m guessing we both want this thing out of me asap! I printed out all the paperwork that office emailed me yesterday. So, hopefully, I will have an eviction date soon!

Sending love and light to you all.

Oh yeah, and we got a puppy, I’m training him to be my mom’s helper!

About our last embryo

I have been diagnosed with Endometriosis, Adenomyosis and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I've had Lyme, Bell's Palsy and the Shingles before I was 25. I've done IVF, with and without immunosuppression and FET. I have had two miscarriages. I am married to my best friend and I am Infertile. Through these struggles, I had to unlearn and relearn many things, through spirituality and alternative healing modalities, I have begun the process of becoming who I am supposed to be. A healer.
This entry was posted in acupuncture, adenomyosis, anxiety, Crystals, Endometriosis, endometriosis awareness, excision surgery for endometriosis, hope and love, hysterectomy, infertility, integrative medicine, invisible illness, laparoscopy, laparotomy/c-section scar, positive thinking, reiki, Tibetan bowls, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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